“YOUR FRIENDS WILL TELL YOU WHAT THEY THINK YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOURSELF, BUT YOUR ENEMIES WILL SHOW YOU HOW YOU REALLY ARE!” What I saw HH DALAI LAMA say the 1st time I had a REAL enemy in my life
READ WHAT HH DALAI LAMA SAID & CLICK TO LISTEN TO ‘WHO CAN UNDERSTAND THE MYSTERIES OF THE HUMAN HEART?’ - & - ‘WALKING WOUNDED’ - 2 POEMS BY JOHN SHANE ABOUT LOVE’S TRAVAILS.
CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON ABOVE at the right hand side of the page to listen to John Shane read ‘Who Can Understand The Mysteries Of the Human Heart’…a poem about the difficulties of personal relationships…
CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON ABOVE to listen to John Shane read another poem about the difficulties of personal relationships, ‘Walking Wounded’…
(Please bear in mind that poems are not always autobiographical, but are often written from the point of view of someone other than the writer him or herself….)
You can listen to THE MILLS BROTHERS sing their 1924 song ‘YOU ALWAYS HURT THE ONE YOU LOVE’ below, after what I’ve written on this page..
Tibetan New Year, or ‘LOSAR’, continues over several days, and, although today is not the first day of Losar, the celebrations of the arrival of the Wood Snake year are still ongoing.
Although I am, of course, not a Tibetan myself, when Losar comes each year, I always feel more strongly my personal gratitude to the Tibetan people for the great benefit that I have received from precious teachings that were preserved for so many centuries in Tibet, teachings that were finally brought to the wider world by Tibetan Lamas of all schools when they had to leave their own country and make their homes in exile.
Although books of teachings are enormously valuable, to actually share the presence of an authentic Master is regarded as essential for the development of the student in many traditions, and I feel immensely grateful for the opportunities that I have had to study and practice closely, over the years, with so many great Tibetan teachers.
At this time when the world seems to be becoming more and more unsettled and animosity between people is being stirred up and exploited for political gain, I want to express here my humble respect for one of the supreme exponents of Tibetan Buddhism, His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, who, as well as his spiritual role and duties, has also carried, through many difficult decades, the heavy responsibility of being the leader of the Tibetan people in the political sphere.
I have the greatest admiration for the way in which he has carried forward the cause of the Tibetan people in the face of great provocation over many years without ever giving in to hatred or losing his compassion for those who oppose him on matters that are of the greatest importance to him and his people.
Observing his conduct and listening to him speak, one cannot help but notice the enormous contrast between his conduct and that of so many other leaders who, rather than thinking of the common good of all the peoples of the world, put themselves first.
Over the last few days I have been thinking back to one particularly disastrous episode in my own life, many decades ago, when for the first time ever I had a real enemy who set out to destroy my well-being.
I won’t go into the details of this episode here, other than to say, that if I ever were to write the story of what happened as fiction - even though I would be describing things that actually took place - people would tell me ‘No, come off it..!! I don’t believe it..!! Something like that could never happen…!!’
People wouldn’t want to believe that someone could possibly have behaved so badly towards me.
But, when I was in the middle of that situation, I didn’t only have the problem of the other person’s behaviour to deal with.
I also had the problem of how to govern my own behaviour in the face of what was being done to me.
There was no internet at the time, and, living deep in the countryside, I didn’t have a television at home in those days.
But, whether by luck, coincidence, or synchronicity, just as the awful situation I was facing was reaching a major crisis point, I happened to be at some friends’ house, and, while I was there, they had their television switched on.
Of course, I already knew who the Dalai Lama was, and, I was surprised when, at the end of a news program that my friends were watching to keep up with the developments of the local political situation in the UK, his face suddenly appeared on the TV, and an interviewer began to question him about a problem that was arising in relation to the future of Tibet.
I heard the interviewer ask the Dalai Lama, “So, your holiness, the Chinese have invaded and taken over your country, they have subjugated your people, they are destroying your monasteries and temples, they are burning your sacred scriptures, and they are imprisoning your Buddhist monks….On top of that, when you try to tell the world about what’s happening, they are trying to silence you. How do you feel about the Chinese and what they are doing…?”
The camera then zoomed in onto a tight close up of the Dalai Lama’s face, and he was silent for a moment, before he said, with a smile, looking directly into the camera:
“Your friends will tell you what they think you want to hear about yourself. But your enemies will show you how you really are.”
The totally unexpected way that he replied to the interviewer’s question cut so completely to the core of the difficult situation in which I found myself that I felt that I had just received a personal teaching from him, and I began to look more closely at my own reactions to the person who was creating such serious problems for me.
I was angry, and hurt by what was being done to me, but I hadn’t wanted to look deeply at those troubling emotions, even though, of course they were having a big effect how I was handling my situation, and, as I began to meditate on the Dalai Lama’s words each day, I began, instead of reacting from my surface hurt and pain, to find ways to respond more appropriately from a deeper part of myself.
I discovered that, without giving in to someone acting aggressively and always putting their self-interest first at the expense of mine, I could oppose them without losing my compassion for the suffering that I could now see lay behind their bad behaviour.
Watching the World news today, it’s difficult not to feel angry in response to the belligerent attitudes and bullying tactics that one can’t help but notice politicians not only engaging in themselves but also encouraging others to emulate.
As I discovered in the difficult personal situation I have described above, it’s hard to stand up to a bully without finding oneself being infected by their attitude and behaviour and beginning to model one’s own behaviour on theirs, seeking to crush them in an effort not to be crushed by them.
Contrary to what bullies believe, rather than being a sign of weakness, to look deeply into one’s own attitudes and behaviour and to be willing to change or moderate them when one sees that one is not living up to one’s best standards, is a sign of great strength.
Most of us are not politicians, let alone leaders of countries, but the way we behave in our daily lives in our relationships, in our families, and in our local communities, is subject to the same psychological dynamics as those that influence the behaviour of those who govern cities and countries.
In our behaviour towards our loved ones, we reveal ourselves as liberators or dictators of the heart.
That’s why, rather than including here poems about the difficulties that we are currently witnessing in relationships between countries - difficulties of relating at a national and international level - I’ve included two poems about difficulties between individuals - difficulties of relating at a personal level.
‘You always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn’t hurt at all’, the Mills Brothers sang in 1924. (You can listen to audio of them singing their song below.)
Please forgive me for including a pop song here along with HH Dalai Lama’s profound words. You might think the song is a trivial thing. But, as Noel Coward famously wrote: “Strange how potent cheap music is.”
Those who are now abusers and bullies were usually abused and bullied themselves by those who had a duty of care towards them in one way or another and should have treated them better.
So, even though it might seem trite to be so idealistic in times that are becoming more cynical and materialistically transactional, my Losar wish for all of us - myself included - is that we don’t follow the bad example of the puffed-up power-hungry politicians we see strutting the world’s stage, but instead, in our relationships with those close to us, we learn to be more compassionate and understanding in the way we relate to each other, so that, through being more mindful of what’s going on within ourselves, we can play our part in ending the cycle of action and reaction that causes so much suffering.
As my late teacher Chogyal Namkhai Norbu used to say, “Even when counting to a huge number like a million, you have to start with number 1. If you want to see change in the world, the place to start is with Number 1: Yourself.”
LOSAR TASHI DELEK to one & all…!!
CLICK ON THE PLAY BUTTON ABOVE to hear The Mills Brothers sing ‘You Always Hurt The One You Love’.
Who can understand
the mysteries
of the human
heart?
(Love can either heal you
Or it can tear you
apart)
John Shane
Don't waste your
precious
time
chasing shadows
The past is over and done
- no one's to blame -
whatever happened
(and who knows
what really happened?)
has already happened
and is not the fault
of any one
Relationships are hard
that much is true
- and you should know
I still think the world of you -
In the real world
things are far from ideal
and, while we are free to
fantasize, to hope
to dream
in the end
we can only work
with what is real
And as for me
I can only say
in a certain sense
- I'm lost -
When it comes to
the calculation
of love’s hidden costs
So, though this may
be hard for those
who love me to
swallow
I may be one to
watch
But I am not one to
follow
WALKING WOUNDED
John Shane
I am just one among
The many walking wounded
Returning from this bloody battle ground
I don’t think I need to tell you
How badly we were all of us let down
Without adequate resources
We stood to face the shadow
That confronts us all
And we found ourselves abandoned
With our backs against the wall
Who has not felt the pressure?
Who has not been undone
By the nagging doubts
Whose roar is the somehow louder
Than the thunder of the guns?
'Do you understand my language?
Are you someone I can trust?
Are you one of them?
Or are you one of us?'
This war is never over
It just goes on and on
I don't remember when it started
It's been going on so long
I held out my hand to her
She looked into my eyes
When she told me
What her name was
It took me by surprise
'Do you understand my language?
Are you someone I can trust?
Are you one of them?
Or are you one of us?'
The first time
That she kissed me
It made me feel so strong
But there's no doubt
I am a weaker man
Now that she has gone
I didn't know how to love her
Or, at least, that's what she said
I tried my best to live up to
What I promised
But when she discovered
All the gaps in my defences
She left me there for dead
Now I roam the streets at night
In my bandaged, raw condition
Looking for other lost survivors
Of the same doomed expedition
Do you understand my language?
Are you someone I can trust?
Are you one of them?
Or are you one of us?
“Your friends will tell you what they think you want to hear about yourself. But your enemies will show you how you really are.”
The UK TV interviewer would be considered a friend, especially with such a hyperbolic question. I think the Dalai Lama understood this.
I will follow you. I understand your language. I am someone you can trust.